The last thing he'll taste is chicken.

The Smaller, Whiter Part Of Detroit, MI - The two Detroit police detectives who are not working on murders full-time discovered that Bill Mikolyzk, a 38-year-old drywall subcontractor and lifelong Detroit Tigers fan, became so frustrated when teased by co-workers about the Tigers dismal '03 season that he bit through the extension cord on his nail gun and triggered the worst power outage in American history. The nailgun also misfired and sent Mikolyzk to Detroit's Careless Medical Center with third-degree burns to his teeth and what doctors described as "lots of nails in his calf that aren't supposed to be there." Co-workers admitted to teasing Mikolyzk with comments like "The Tigers suck," "You're an idiot" and "You have the largest forehead of any human ever." After the Tigers dropped their 85th or 90th game or whatever it was this weekend, Mikolyzk went to his construction site, got mercilessly teased, and snapped, biting the cord. "I don't know what that was supposed to prove," said a co-worker who mixes cottage cheese spackle for ceilings, "that's why we call him an idiot." Apparently, the reverse surge from Mikolyzk's nail gun fried the snowmobile jumper cables that connect the entire eastern seaboard electric grid to the upper midwest electric grid and shut down the most powerful nation in the world (and we're told, Canada). Ironically, Miokolyzk's action caused the cancellation of the Tigers game, sparing the club another loss.