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SPORTSCASTER UNION MAY FINE LLOYD!
Windscreen, CT - The National Sportscaster Union
announced today it is weighing a significant fine and punishment
for David Lloyd, the young ESPN
announcer who ripped off our own Chet Waterhouse's
home run call, "Scuse me while I kiss the sky!" The
NSU said Lloyd could be fined up to $900, which would double the
NSU's treasury and Lloyd could also be forced to use as his homer
call the lyric, "You are the wind beneath my wings."
GREEKS YANK PLUG ON PHRASE CONTEST!
North Athens, Greece - Greek Olympic
officials shut down an online contest to name the most famous
Greek phrase of all time only seven hours in when it became clear
that John Belushi's infamous "Chesseburger
Cheeseburger Cheeseburger" phrase would be the runaway winner.
The Greeks were hoping for one of Plato's quotes or a Socrates
proclamation or at the very least, Kojak's "Who loves you
baby!" The Geeks will replace the contest with that shot
of Michael Dukakis in a tank Helmet.
OUR WIRE! CONFUSED WITH HBO's 'THE WIRE!'
Los Angeles , CA - Google, the
giant Internet service that somehow finds out crap for you, found
out that many people looking for fan information on the hit HBO
drama "The Wire" are inadvertently sent to Sportalicious!,
to read the very "The Wire" section you're reading right
now. "What does this have to do with killing crack whores
in Baltimore?!" and "I just wanted to find out what
that hot chick's name was," are the two most popular feedbacks
to the mixup.
SHORTAGE OF HATRED POSTPONES RUGBY
SCRUM!
Highland Gas, Scotland - A scheduled rugby match
between the Umbrian Pendragons and the Highland Gas Manskirts
was canceled Sunday after members of the two squads discovered
at a pre-game staredown that they actually had a lot in common.
the two sides then skipped the game and went right to singing
lewd songs and getting hammered. Fake scars were made available
to those players who thought they might need them when they went
back home to their wives.
AL-SAHHAF INJURED CLIMBING OUT OF SAND
TRAP AT PGA
Hazen, WI - Sportalicious! golf correspondent
and former Iraqi Minister of Informattion Mohamed
Saeed al-Sahhaf was carted off the sixteenth fairway at Whistling
Straights Golf Club after he fell 18 feet into a pot
bunker while trying to cover the PGA Championship
Sunday. Apparently Sahhaf attempted to make distracting noises
at Ernie Els as Els tried to punch out of the
bunker. But then Sahhaf lost his footing and dropped nearly twenty
feet onto his right hip. When asked why in the world as a non-biased
journalist he was heckling any golfer at all, he said ,"The
contest was dragging ceaselessly into the lukewarm stench of mediocrity."
Sahhaf is resting comfortably in Attractive Toilet Medical Center,
just outsider of Kohler, WI.
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