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Hanglow, CO - Sportalicious! interview
specialist Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf used his
biggest weapon - sheer unsubstantiated bluster - to bully past
Colorado law authorities and hunt down Los Angeles Lakers
star Kobe Bryant. Al-Sahhaf found Bryant in a
different mountain hideaway in Colorado where Bryant is preparing
for his court testimony in the rape case and possibly hustling
another assistant concierge. Al-Sahhaf spoke to Bryant on the
sundeck of the Hyatt Telluride - oops! We mean somewhere in Colorado.
That has a sundeck. Not necessarily the Hyatt.
MSAS - In my country of origin, what you have
done would be punishable this way: the filth that is the young
woman being stoned to death. That is how your crime would be dealt
with.
KOBE - Wait a sec, I did not rape her.
MSAS - I am merely referring to her seducing
a married man with her evil soft body and tongue of lightning.
KOBE - Oh.
MSAS - Instead, you are the one who is on trial.
It is backward.
KOBE - Tell me about it. I could go to jail for
a long time.
MSAS - (laughs) I have seen your "jails."
In Iraq, we have two words for American jail - "Ritz Carlton."
KOBE - Hey, I could wind up gettin' raped in
there!
MSAS - (laughs again) In Baghdad prison, rape
is the least of your concerns. Intense rectal violation is similar
to what you Americans refer to as a "warning ticket."
You want real Iraqi punishment? Please to be raped with your own
penis-
KOBE - (throws up).
MSAS - Now. Here. Have some water. How is your
knee?
KOBE - It's comin' along fine.
MSAS - Do you want me to take care of her?
KOBE - What?
MSAS - I will spoonfeed her the sordid hellfire
of Beelzebub until her esophagus melts like cheap Russian tires
on the desert sand.
KOBE - Jesus buddy, she's just a young Colorado
teenager.
MSAS - I was referring to your wife.
KOBE - Oh.
(Pause)
KOBE - Do you have a card or something?
MSAS - Yes. Here. (Hands Kobe card.) I will arrive
silently and deadly in the cold of night like your Santa Clause.
But lethal.
KOBE - Hey, don't get all excited, I'm just checking
out my options.
MSAS - Remember this - men are far superior to
women, especially in their weakness! Understood?
(at this point a bellman discovers al-Sahhaf is not a registered
guest and escorts him off the premises)
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