"Dammit, I dropped my map pin!"

Mont Ennui, France - Officials for the Tour de France, bicycling's equivalent of the Emmy race, announced Sunday that for this, the one hundredth anniversary of the Tour, a one-time re-route during the Pyrenees mountain-climbing leg will be instituted. This 'detour' will take the leader - and only the leader - south through Italy, Turkey and into Syria, past a summer home for exiled Arab leaders, then reverse course and take him back into France. American Lance Armstrong, always strong in the mountains, is expected by cycling experts, novices and even dim children to be leading at that point, but the French deny this tactic is aimed at Armstrong or America or democracy or even base level sanity. "Your arrogance is astounding that you should think such a thing has anything to do with you or your precious Mr. Armstrong, you self-centered juvenile narcissists," said Tour spokesman Claude Monet III. "A Frenchman could easily be leading. The Belgians are so very, very strong this year too. I saw a Moroccan rider, he looked healthy, and the two-man Iranian team has streamlined their turbans. You disgust us with your assumptions." Added Monet, "Pardone e moi, but did you just compare us to the Emmy awards?" Armstrong said he thinks he may be able to make the full detour in about seven hours, depending on barge traffic at Istanbul.