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Port Grafitti, MO - ATTENTION:
The Illegal Fireworks Industry Council has issued a last-minute
"red" alert going into the July 4th weekend! In
addition to the counterfeit Finger Danglers and Brow Burners
mentioned last
week, consumers of illegal fireworks should add to the
alert list the newly-discovered counterfeit "Bad-Ass
Rocket." The counterfeit Bad-Ass Rocket can be distinguished
by the very first instruction, "insert in ass."
The regular illegal Bad-Ass Rocket does NOT require that
you fire it from your own ass. It suggests that you could
on occasion if a supply of water is present fire it from
the ass of passed-out friend. Repeat, NEVER fire a rocket
from your own ass. The phony illegal fireworks are far more
dangerous than the regular illegal fireworks, which are
designed mostly to create the far more fun-loving low-level
first-degree burns and minor finger cartilage damage.
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