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Port Grafitti, MO - ATTENTION:
The Illegal Fireworks Industry Council has issued an alert
going into the popular July 4th weekend! Consumers of illegal
fireworks should be on the lookout for counterfeit Finger
Danglers and Brow Burners. The phony illegal fireworks are
far more dangerous than the regular illegal fireworks, which
are designed mostly to create low-level first-degree burns
and cause minor finger cartilage. The counterfeits, manufactured
in Bolivia by a paramilitary organization looking to improve
its cash flow, will definitely blow off fingers and burn
eyebrows to the scalp line. Consumers of illegal fireworks
will be able to spot the phony illegal fireworks because
all the writing is in Spanish except for the phrase, "Down
With Bolivian Puppet Government Answerable To American Gum
Industry ."
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