Ah...these strip clubs all look alike.

Belmont Park, NY - Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Funny Cide blames his poor third-place showing at the Belmont Stakes on a bar-hopping excursion the night before, led by none other than America's entertainment commandant Martha Stewart. "She stops by, Jose (jockey Jose Santos) tells me it's her, I figure, It's rude not to say hello," Cide said, shaking his head in disgust at his own stupidity. He continued, "She started out like, 'I just want to see your stall, maybe I can do something with your stall, oooh, your stall has great potential.' I'm like, 'really?' And she says, 'Yeah, let's go out and get some decorating ideas,' and I'm like, 'hey, I gotta race tomorrow.' So I swear, she unbuttons two buttons on her blouse and says 'let me help you take your mind off it.'" Cide claims Stewart started legitimately enough, taking him to a nearby Crate & Barrel. "But then she's like, 'Oooh, I love these Bombay Bicycle Clubs, they're so eclectic!" said Cide, "and before I knew it, I was on my fifth smoked almond martini." Cide and Stewart were spotted at 3:20am at Puss n' Boots, a gentlemen's club 10 miles from Belmont. Cide said when he woke up at 8am in his stall at the race track, "Stewart was gone and I had a hangover from my teeth all the way down my mane." Cide of course lost the Belmont Stakes by several lengths and did not win the coveted Triple Crown. "I feel like such a horse's ass," said Cide, closing his eyes for a moment. Stewart would not comment, but her broker won a $3.2 million dollar bet on Empire Maker.