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Oh the humanity. |
Muirfield Village, OH - Mounting
trouble with cicadas at this weekend's PGA Memorial
golf tournament came to a head when a giant genetically
altered cicada ate host Jack Nicklaus,
finished the round using Nicklaus's clubs, and fired a 7-under
65 to win the tourney by two shots over Ernie Els.
The cicadas surface every 17 years at Muirfield
and create a deafening noise from the male's constant, obnoxious
mating call. They're also a nuisance because they fly in
swarms and can interrupt golfers' concentration and create
problems for the galleries as well. And of course, when
one gets genetically altered by industrial pollutants from
nearby chemical plants and grows into a giant, well, it
can really mess up a PGA leaderboard. The purse is being
withheld pending negotiations between the winning cicada
and the Nicklaus estate, which is willing to give up the
winning check to the cicada in exchange for the official
tourney win being credited to Nicklaus. Said a Nicklaus
spokesman, "I don't think the cicada could have golfed
that well over four rounds."
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