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(Bear Stearns bond market analyst
and sports fantasy expert Alan
Castagna gives his tips regularly in Sportalicious!
'Regularly' is about once every six months, but whenever
we get him on the phone to complain, he seems very busy.
And unpleasant. There is no photo of Castagna; He needs
to remain anonymous to protect his real job.)
Last week, our own Anthem Singing Breasts editorialized
against football's new Lingerie League. This week, Castagna
weighs in with a well-thought-out rebuttal.
Look, I like the Anthem
Singing Breasts, they're pert and firm and funny and
only the left one talks and usually not that much, which
is perfect. But they are way off base on this Lingerie League
thing.
The Breasts say it isn't good football. I beg to differ.
The plays are MUCH more clear because the chicks run them
slower and they're way thinner than football players, so
you get a killer moving diagram of some of the most basic
plays in the game. It's educational! And just because it
isn't NFL caliber -- hey, would you tear
down the efforts of a Pop Warner team because they didn't
look like the New England Patriots? Shame
on you.
The Breasts say the action isn't sexy either. Note to Breasts:
You are not the target demographic. Trust me, there's nothing
like seeing a Packer Sweep run in stiletto heels and thongs,
to see that little running back's caboose slither through
the oiled gams of some super-hot defenders dragging a couple
bikini tops with her.
Do I come down hard on the Chippendale's guys because they're
not the best dancers in the world? No. Come down off your
high horse, Anthem Singing Breasts, even though the view
of you on your high horse is spectacular. Come down. Let
me show you a good Lingerie League game slo-mo-d on Tivo.
Let me buy you a Cosmopolitan. Or ten.
Let me show you what a real man feels like. Okay babydolls.
Stay pert.
ALAN CASTAGNA
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