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Grope Beach, CA - A diverse
group of ocean sportfish made up of marlin, tarpon and
shark have set up picket lines at the Grope Beach Scary
Gang Hangout Cinderplex 18 Stadium Theatres to protest
the way they are portrayed in Disney's
new animated hit, "Finding Nemo."
A large shark who asked that his name be withheld but
who had a head stunningly similar to that of a carpenter's
hammer said, "Cute film, nice heart, blah blah
blah, but damn, why do they make eating such an evil
thing? Eating other fish is what we do! " After
briefly dipping his head in a trough of seawater to
avoid dying, the shark added, "Big fat rich guys
who can't connect with people in their lives love the
thrill of reeling in huge sportfish. It's a pretty massive
industry in this country, and how do you think big sportfish
get big? We EAT. That's the deal. Besides," added
the shark, "orange roughy don't feel emotions,
for godsake, their purpose in life is to be eaten by
me. An orange roughy with an ounce of dignity is honored
to be eaten by me. They're like suicide bombers, they
think they're going to a better life." The sportfish
noted that unlike LA itself, the ocean does not have
much variety when it comes to food. "There's no
Thai barbecue, no Asian/Italian fusion, absolutely no
French," said the shark, " it's fish or kelp.
And kelp, oy - think 'vegan cooky,' but blander."
The sportfish feel Disney is hiding behind the "same
old tired excuse that it's 'just a movie,' " according
to the shark. "Right - mice are cute heroes, bears
are always cuddly, tigers have town meetings - but we
suck. Nice world, Disney. Nice world. Nice goin', guys."
The pickets are waiting on support from the Teamsters.
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