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Porkshire, England -
On the heels of Annika Sorenstam's
appearace at the Colonial golf tourney,
officials of the British Open announced
that Sportalicious's own Anthem-Singing
Breasts will be given an exemption and allowed to
play this year. The Breasts have only recently taken
up golf, "but that's not the important thing,"
said tourney spokesman Sir Twiles Flopping. "What's
important is the opportunity to make a statement to
the world that women are competitive and belong at these
type of events. Alright fine, that's rubbish. It's simple
- we're men and the Anthem Singing Breasts are supple
and delicious to look at." Fellow spokesman Thomas
Chubtitton told reporters at this point, "Actually,
while the part about the breasts being delicious to
look at may be true, it's rubbish as well. We've invited
the Anthem Singing Breasts because of the tremendous
economic windfall we'll receive from this type of cheap,
whoring publicity stunt." Flopping disagreed -
"Delicious breasts." Chubtitton took umbrage
- "Cheap windfall." At this point the two
men glared at each other in a confrontational but slightly
homoerotic gaze until Flopping challenged Chubtitton
to a duel. The two took loaded pistols from their seconds,
marched away from each other ten paces, wheeled and
fired, wounding the reporter from Golf Digest,
Flip Natchez. Natchez was taken to Queen of The Queen
of England Hospital where he was listed in "mildly
bollocks" condition.
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