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Indianapolis, IN - Officials
at the Indy 500 shocked traditionalist
racing fans by announcing Monday that they were switching
from the traditional dairy milk in the winner's circle to
soy milk instead. "Cow's milk is horrible for ya, I
don't care what Wisconsin says," said steward Gubby
Birdsickle, adding, "those dairy bastards don't wanna
kick in a nickle to help our poor little ol' car race, while
these soy boys are climbin' up our ass with free duffel
bags and iPods and gas barbeques and exotic
dancers and stuff. Not to mention it's less fattening."
The Indiana Soy Farmers Cooperative is ecstatic and has
claimed there is no way the exotic dancers can be linked
to them. The organization's new mascot, "Judge Soy
Bean," will ride in this year's pace car.
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