If you’ve ever spent any time in Las Vegas,
particularly between the hours of 1am and 8am, The Tubster needs
no introduction. The omni-present “Tub” slides effortlessly
around Vegas despite his 483 pounds and its accompanying odor.
As a denizen of eateries all over town, he’s beloved, or
as one maitre’d jokingly put it, “barely tolerated,
with his fat freakin’ mouth.”After a successful career
in auto-dial telemarketing, The Tubster turned his talents to
oddsmaking. His career mark of 50.61% right versus a paltry 49.39%
wrong is third all-time among active fat blowhard tipsters.
Soooooo close! I had Sun King in the Preakness! But would that adrenalin rush have been the same had I played the faves? No. I can always pay my first mortgage out of my second mortgage... I can't get that frightening, gut-searing, painful buzz of failure anywhere else but the ponies!
My hemorrhoid treater stable boy at Belmont shot me an email with the exact kinda tips you want going into the last leg of the Triple Crown, THIS info will help you turn your crumbs into a feast of tater chips!
Jockey Manzuelo Guiterrez, who could ride LuvMyBum, has a gall stone that, if it doesn't pass, could make him unable to go to the whip. I'll keep you posted.
My Blue Hell, out of Missouri's Gestation Stables, fell for his pace horse Sunday and hasn't been seen since. Rumor has it they're at Foxwoods, dropping his winnings from his third-place finish in the Wood Memorial on of all things, the World Yahtzee Cup.
Owner Dawnakee Filch, whose Maypa Syrup finished 19th but comin' on at the Kentucky Derby, has put a bit in the horse coated in brazil nuts. His splits have dropped two seconds, so work him into your trifecta boxes!
Speakin' of brazil nuts, the Party Mix at the Cleavage Bar in Max Bustier's is warmed by a very, very special method. By the bartendrix herself. (hint: check for salt just below her neckline). And it makes all the difference in the world, my friends.
Next time: what the hell is a trifecta box? We'll check with the experts, or my name ain't
THE TUBSTER
We all know unsanctioned gambling is illegal, and Sportalicious!
would never condone it. But if you're playing at the kitchen table,
an innocent game with your kids using potato chips…knowledge
is power, that's all we're saying.
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