Not normally a hiker's destination.

Deep Dew Mountain, UT - George Buckey, a 27-year-old fish-line tester and hiker who was trapped for five days under a fallen gas station billboard near Bryce Canyon National Park, chewed off his own head in order to escape, but then - while balancing his head so as not to sever the last spinal cord connection - wandered onto a highway and was hit by an Omaha Steaks semi-trailer. Buckey was airlifted to Nine Wives Medical Center near Moab, where his body is listed in super, super critical condition and his head, now packed in soda machine ice, is listed in fair but mopey condition. "Essentially, I forgot to look both ways," said Buckey's head, "but, f*$k me, my noggin's hangin' by a thread, could I catch a freakin' break here?!" After sipping broth that then dribbled uselessly out his neck, Buckey's head added, "the collarbones were surprisingly easy to bite through." When asked where he got the idea to chew off his own head, Buckey's head said, "I saw it on a Roadrunner cartoon." The body was unavailable for comment. The Omaha Steaks driver was given a warning ticket and allowed to proceed so as to avoid prosecution under Utah's new "Rotting Meat" statutes.