Honest. You don't want to see the horse's balls.

Laidbridge, KY – After a year at stud with no impregnations, 2002 Kentucky Derby winner War Emblem shocked the sports world last week by retiring from stud and announcing plans to open an antique store in the West Hollywood area of Los Angeles, CA. The store, to be named, “Hold Your Horses,” will feature early American, country and folk art antiques and collectibles and will be located on Santa Monica Boulevard between the Firepole and the Monastery nitespots. “This is the happiest I’ve been in a year,” said Emblem. “I’m re-taking control. I mean, you can either get busy dyin’, or get busy livin’.” Emblem will sell his Kentucky mansion once owned by Dolly Parton and said he’s looking at a joint business venture with David Geffen. Emblem attended this year’s Kentucky Derby with an old high school classmate, Mr. Electric, and looked better than he has in months – clear-eyed, smiling, and about 100 pounds heavier. Said Emblem, “I’m eating oats again by the bucketful since I made my life-changing decision. I couldn’t wait to get back to Churchill Downs one last time. When the gates opened, I felt a twinge, a desire to have a man on my back with a riding crop, but when they came huffing down the stretch, that’s when I was glad I was just here to drink!” Emblem was seen party-hopping into the night with Brit pop-rocker Robbie Williams and Sean Hayes of “Will & Grace.”