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Pair Of Boulders, CO
- The University of Colorado football
program outbid several other parties, including Donald
Trump, and won the rights to host this year's
Miss Nude World Pageant, according
to Sportalicous! Colorado bureau reporters disguised
as horny, pimply high school recruits. "It's funny,"
said Buffaloes head coach Gary Barnett,
"but I think 'the Troubles' actually helped us
nail Miss Nude World, no pun intended!" When asked
which 'The Troubles' Barnett was referring to - the
rape scandal, the academic scandal, the recruiting scandal,
the assault charges, the beheading problem, the voodoo
hex, the steroid abuse, the gun-running, selling military
secrets to the Iranians or the connections to Colombia's
Medellin Cartel, Barnett answered, "the rape scandal."
Miss Nude World officials said they were looking for
a new home when this year's host city, Bangkok, suffered
the twin hurdles of low water pressure and a syphilis
outbreak. South Yemen's bid was put on hold when South
Yemen's representative was called up to martyr duty
with Al Qaeda. "Boulder fit all our needs to tee,"
said Miss Nude World rep Prong "Bud" Nguyen
of Vietnam, "it has existing infrastructure of
many fine hotel and facility, it know very goodly how
to party, it has great water pressure, and from site
pages we can gather off Google place,
it has slow, bumbling police force! The best of all
excellence. If our 40 hot nude contestants must sleep
with young American football recruit to make this happen,
well, small price. Silent nod. Hand out condom. Wink.
Shhh. Done. No tell. Go Buffs!"
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