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Stop the Maddeness. |
Washington, D.C. - In a stunning
ruling last week, the U.S. Supreme Court not only prevented
Ohio State running back Maurice
Clarett from declaring for the NFL Draft,
but also said he could no longer play Nintendo
football, flag football or even touch football in his own
front yard after Thanksgiving dinner in a feeble attempt
to burn off some of the bloat. "No, no and no,"
said Chief Justice Billl Rehnquist. "Clearly,
if we let this black lad -- he is black, isn't he? I can't
tell from the pictures unless Mary brings me my special
magnifying tool, and it's way on the other side of town
in my secret condo -- anyway, if we let him play we are
clearly tugging on the one single thread that could unravel
the American way of life as we know it." Added Rehnquist,
"His pigskin days are over. If I were him I woudln't
even eat pigs in a blanket. The FBI's got a burr in its
ass and he's an easier target than any actual bad people."
Clarett spokesman, former NFL great Jim
Brown, said he was "disappointed" in
the verdict and would break Rehnquist's jaw as soon as he
can.
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