Sportalicious! and France share HQ

New York, NY - As United States diplomatic efforts continue to outflank UN opposition over the rebuilding of Iraq, France has threatened the world community with a suspension of judge-rigging at all future figure skating events, including the Olympics. “We will not stand idly by while Iraqi construction contracts we did not earn are handed on a silver platter to firms from countries who merely fought the war,” said French ambassador Dominique de Villepin, in his frenchy-French accent. “And so it is with heavy heart but stiff resolve that I must announce we will no longer as a country connive, cheat or scheme to get any of your figure skaters medals in international competition.” As an audible rumble of shock and discontent swept through the General Assembly, Villepin continued, his voice rising, “the type of efficient, professional French tampering evident in Salt Lake City will be extended no more! Japan? With your cutesy toe-dance moves that don’t really cut it? Forget it. Canada? With all your skill you think so self-righteously should be rewarded? Forget it! And America? We will no longer create for you your heroic skaters who have been robbed of gold. Find yourselves another whore!” Villepin then stormed out of the UN and over to a Porsche dealership where he sought asylum.