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After having been abandoned as a two-year-old
in Chequamegon National Forest, Dick
Baker grew up with a passion for the outdoors. Baker
hosts "Baker's Dozin' " on the Camping Network
and is Sportalicous! outdoor correspondent. Email your questions
to outdoordick@sportalicious.com
Dear Outdoor Dick:
My wife and I recently retired after putting our last son
through college. We bought a Winnebago
and are touring the great American Southwest. At our age,
we're not much for strenuous activities, but we love nature
hikes! Any recommendations?
-Pete and Eleanor
Dear Pete and Eleanor:
First up, congrats on makin' it through "to the other
side," as Jim Morrison might say.
A fine American couple workin' their fannies off and puttin'
a string of future contributors to society through our finest
institutions of higher learning... well, that's the heart
and soul of the American dream right there, and it brings
a tear to my eye. God bless ya. Let the Enron
execs rot in prison - you my friends, are what God was thinkin'
of when he came up with capitalism.
On to the fun! The great American Southwest is LOADED
with wonderful nature hikes! I'm a northern boy myself but
I discovered the soothing wonder of Grand Canyon country
when I won three successive Homemade Canoe Races down the
Colorado River! (Incidentally, carvin' your own canoe out
of the remnants of a jackaranda trunk and lashin' it with
elk rawhide is one helluva great way to spend five weeks!
- but more on that in a future column...)
My favorite area for just wanderin' God's magnificent pastel
palette is Hallucinata National Riverway on the New Mexico/Arizona
border. Best way there as I recall is to take the frontage
road off Interstate 40 near the border, drive until it dead-ends
at the Cattleman's Graveyard, then hang a right til you
hit mud. The river's only a half-mile hike through marsh
from there.
There's over 200 varieties of prairie flowers along the
Hallucinata's banks, well over 40 species of birds, and
some of the most beautiful red clay sheer bluffs in the
world. Stick around til dusk, when the setting sun paints
the landscape, and you'll swear you're in heaven.
Word of caution - skedaddle out of there fast after dusk
'cause the federally protected Arizona Rabid Coyote also
calls the Hallucinata its home and they tend to travel in
packs of 30 or more; a healthy lad of 25 years old could
only fight off ten or so coyote before succumbing to their
hot razor teeth and relentless pack attack, so imagine how
quick they'd cut through you and the aging missus! 'Course,
you ain't dead right away -- that bubbly froth of theirs
gets in your bloodstream and takes three to four hours to
kill ya, all the while chemically distorting your fading
brainpower and causing you to hallucinate that peaceful
landscape into a hellpit full of giant scorpion devils and
huge evil vermin. Hence, the name of the river.
So just set a l'il ol' reminder alarm on your Casio
wrist watch and then nature hike to your heart's content,
Pete and Eleanor!
- Dick
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