"This green jacket itches."

Augusta, GA – Amid intense protests over the refusal to accept women, The Masters golf club suddenly opened its gates to Sportalicious! correspondents The Anthem Singing Breasts (see more!). “This is the kind of female member we’re looking for,” said club spokesman Hootie Johnson. “They’re sharp as a tack, they don’t sass much and they mix a helluva mint julep. Plus, well…they sing real perdy-like.” Martha Burk, leader of the women’s protest, was initially exuberant at the news, then saw a press pass with a picture of the Breasts, and her enthusiasm seemed to wane. “This is really not what we’re after. Not what we’re after at all. Not at all. At all. Oh, God, I’m gonna vomit.” Several of her followers attempted to vomit in a show of support. When made aware of her comments, Johnson responded, “Damned if you do and damned if you don’t! The Breasts are women, they’re in the club now. Women – In! Holy bejeezus, what does that Burk dame want from me?! A nail salon at the 10th hole?!” The Anthem Singing Breasts said Augusta's clubhouse was gorgeous, but nippy. "I guess the air conditioning got jammed on cold right when they let us in," said the left breast, who does most of the talking. The Breasts first two years of dues were paid for by a grant from the Chubb group.