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Cape Fear, FL - On the heels
of their suspension and firing of shock jock Howard
Stern from six affiliates, executives at Clear
Channel Communications said Monday they were suspending
our own pre-eminent play-by-play man and managing editor
Chet Waterhouse for on-mic incidents
last year that Clear Channel execs claim were "lewd,
or maybe lascivious, or at least clunky, so we're told,
we don't care so long as suspending Chet keeps the FCC
off our ass." The move should protect the gross executive
salaries and disgusting, lavish lifestyles the Clear Channel
execs have no freakin' business receiving as below-average,
grease-laden cogs in the corporate machine. Clear Channel's
Sioux Falls, South Dakota affiliate, WANK, has broadcast
rights to the fledgling Intercontinental Football League,
home of the non-stop clock, and Waterhouse called all five
of the Sioux Falls Thunderstorm's games last season. Apparently
he called an opposing coach an "a*%hole," and
also referred to a cheerleader as "hot skank."
"Ricky Shroeder gets away with way
worse on 'NYPD Blue.' Besides, isn't 'Hot
Skank' a Prince tune?! Man oh man, this,
my friends, is a time that will try my soul." Clear
Channel said Chet will be replaced by one of thirty ESPN
announcers who blend together in a safe and mind-numbing
way.
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