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East Orange, NJ - After weeks
of speculation a Sportalicious! secret investigation revealed
that NCAA basketball tournament "Regional
City" East Rutherford is not a city at all but just
an amorphous suburb centered on a Fuddrucker's and a factory
outlet mall! Sportalicious! reporters disguised as hungover
Springsteen fans discovered that East Rutherford
has no mayor, no city limit and no "scuzzy" part
of town, all requirements for being a true city. "Hell,
all of East Rutherford is scuzzy," said East Orange
mayoral spokesman Don Festoon, who added that East Rutherford
is not even in the association of Cities With East In Their
Name and in fact is not really even east of Rutherford,
NJ. "They've got two Boston Markets, whoopy,"
said Festoon. The NCAA said that on the recommendation of
its shrink, it was "just joking" when it listed
East Rutherford with Atlanta, St. Louis and Phoenix as regional
host cities, planning all along to give the honor to Hartford,
Connecticut. That was until it got a sizable payment of
thanks from a Scarlatti Sanitation Service in East Rutherford.
Games were held in the 170-seat Bonjovi Middle School gym.
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