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| HEY! |
| Sportalicious! Tees! Buy
one today!
Did we mention Roots made 'em? |
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Oddly enough...Greg Gumble's hair? Not
a violation.
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Washington, DC - The Federal Communications
Commission continued it's clampdown on prurient, lewd, dirty,
hot television and radio Sunday when it hit a kill-switch at its headquarters
in Washngton, D.C. and turned off the entire CBS network
in the middle of its NCAA Tournament Selection Show!
"First Janet's boob, and now this?!" said an
FCC spokesman who will remain nameless because we're already scared out
of our minds just writing this freakin' story. "Shame on you,"
he continued, clutching a ticket to "The Passion Of The Christ."
He then unveiled a giant blackboard on which was listed the Selection
Show's "moral violations" because, he said, he could not bring
himself "to utter this vile, putrid filth, at least outside of the
super-secret brothel all us high-ranking D.C. diplomats use." He
then pulled out a scepter topped by a likeness of the Pope Hat and pointed
to the first violation: When talking about Nevada-Las Vegas,
Jim Nantz "clearly used the word 'Ass.' Vayyy-g--asss.
Nothing vague about it!" Violation number two said simply, "Virginia
is clearly code for... something else." The third listed violation
accused Jim Nantz of "threatening to expose his boob" when he
reached for a hanky in his breast pocket, and at Number four was the phrase,
"Manhattan Jaspers -- like we don't know what THAT
means!!" Number five merely said, "73 references to balls!"
and at Number six, angrily scratched in chalk was apparently a quote from
the show: "This Cinderella could blow the whole bracket." At
this point the spokesman took two bites of a yogurt bar to gain strength
and uttered softly into his mic, "I don't even have to flip this
blackboard over, do I?" He then excused himself so that he could
go watch bikini-clad women in handcuffs stick their heads in a bucket
of maggots and eat them for money on NBC's smash hit
"Fear Factor."
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