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"I feel like a beer,"
said Woods. |
Tall Tee Bay, FL - The PGA
announced that in an effort to maintain some level of competitiveness
during the rest of the golf season, Tiger Woods
will have to strap a 35-pound silicone pot belly to his waist.
“Hey, in big races, they make really good horses carry extra
weight,” said Filon Connell, a member of the PGA’s
competition committee. When informed that the added-weight practice
had been substantively curtailed at most tracks for some time,
Connell said, “Well, I hear it’s still quite popular
in Mexico.” With the strap-on belly in place, Woods somewhat
resembles Cedric The Entertainer. Tiger shot
an opening round 79 with the belly, then made an adjustment on
the practice tee with the help of Craig Stadler
and subsequently shot rounds of 69 and 68. “We can and will
add pounds if he shoots a 65,” said a grim-faced Connell,
“and we can also make him wear other silicone appendages
if need be.” Connell said a hunchback and an infected eyelid
cyst were being tested this month and should be ready by the British
Open.
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