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Pea green is a chancy color for
logos. |
Cleveland, OH- Told by a
California appellate court to literally “Get the lead out,”
the National Paintball League was suspended from
operating late Monday evening due to an “insanely”
high level of lead content in the paint. “We haven’t
seen levels like this since the U.S. military painted internment
camps in the ‘40s,” said Cal-OSHA spokesman Gene Pedregon.
“Oh my God, was I supposed to admit that? Crap! I wasn't!”
Dutch Boy, sponsors of the NPL, denied using it as a free dumping
ground for warehouses full of illegal paint that would otherwise
have to be disposed of in an expensive manner. “We comply
with all government regulations,” said Ollie Pratt, whose
grandfather posed as the Dutch boy on Dutch Boy labels. “But
really, have they ever proven anything conclusively with lead
in paint? They say rats die if they eat too much lead, but isn’t
that a good thing? Don’t we want rats to die? Rats are a
plague on our inner cities – but fine, let’s pull
lead paint off the shelves and let the rats run wild. You people
sicken me.” The league will switch to a latex base paint
that splatters against the forehead in a smooth, one-coat action.
Related: Dutch
Boy Says Yes to National Paintball League!
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