Simulation

Hollywood, CA - Actress and anti-war panic chief Janeane Garofalo has set a new world babbling record by talking non-stop for over four weeks now. International Babbling Association (I.B.A.) statistician Barry Shwartzman said Garofalo broke the world babbling record set by Liza Minelli in 1975 during a combination holiday special and nervous breakdown. “Janeane just won’t shut up,” said fellow anti-war activist Martin Sheen, “Christ, she’s turning more people conservative than Pat Buchanan.” Added a disgruntled Lorne Michaels, producer of Saturday Night Live, “Where was this kind of production when she was a cast member here?” Garofalo’s publicist Shanni McClain-Borg said, “Thank God she decided to stop being funny a while back because I don’t think she could handle the crushing work load of talking AND being funny at the same time. Who could?” When it was pointed out that Chris Rock, Dennis Miller, Robin Williams and several others on both sides of the political spectrum had talked for long stretches at a time and also simultaneously been funny, an angry McClain-Borg denied Sportalicious! access to her other clients and then rushed off to happy hour at a martini bar in Redondo Beach, CA.