If you’ve ever spent any time in Las Vegas,
particularly between the hours of 1am and 8am, The Tubster needs
no introduction. The omni-present “Tub” slides effortlessly
around Vegas despite his 483 pounds and its accompanying odor.
As a denizen of eateries all over town, he’s beloved, or
as one maitre’d jokingly put it, “barely tolerated,
with his fat freakin’ mouth.”After a successful career
in auto-dial telemarketing, The Tubster turned his talents to
oddsmaking. His career mark of 50.61% right versus a paltry 49.39%
wrong is third all-time among active fat blowhard tipsters.
Hey fans! Been awhile for the ol' Tubster! Had the ol' detox detour,
but then I wound up keepin' stats and doing color commentary for
the National Jenga League. When you got a chance to pay off the
Bulgarian Mob, you gotta take it, hah?! Right!
Wanna fill an extra bag with home made 'potato chips' before the
NCAA tourney? Nasty Mouthful's Casino and Spa
has these up in the sportsbook. Bet a deuce on each...
5-to-1 - Robert Blake will try
to hire the bailiff to shoot the guy he tried to hire to shoot
his wife.
9-to-1 - Michael Jackson trial
will be first in which both defendant and plaintiff receive "guilty"
verdicts.
3-to-1 - Michael Jackson's mother will attempt
to attribute his strange looks to a "bee sting."
4-to-1 - Feds will find no steroids at Balco
warehouse but will find 700 cases of lime green "Balco Pinot
Noir" wine.
6-to-1 - The former parrot from "Baretta"
will admit to Dominic Dunne of "Vanity Fair" that Blake
threatened to have him killed.
Speakin' of parrots, who among us hasn't had the overpowering
yen for a good stuffed rock cornish game hen? Well, start your
mouth watering and head over to Stuffed Rock Cornish Game Hen-ateria
at Monte Flando Island! I don't know how they do it, but -- no
bones!
So make some dough, fill your gullet, and we'll reconnoiter next
week for some college hoop, or my name ain't...
THE TUBSTER
We all know unsanctioned gambling
is illegal, and Sportalicious! would never condone it. But if
you're playing at the kitchen table, an innocent game with your
kids using potato chips…knowledge is power, that's all we're
saying.
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