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"Texas Tech or Butler? Hmm
- Aggh!" |
Gray Glen, IA - The annual
spring fever known on college campuses across the country as “March
Madness” has spread to several livestock farms in the midwest
and is on the verge of becoming an epidemic. “The meat is
completely ruined on the March Madness Cows,” said Dub Pynecki
of Pynecki’s Sausage Farms in Gray Glen, Iowa. “We’re
gonna shoot ‘em all in the head and bury ‘em or sell
‘em to fraternities at the University of Iowa
for Rush Week initiations.” Cows afflicted with March Madness
slowly go insane trying to fill out a tournament bracket with
their hooves, then foam at the mouth and die. Britain issued an
embargo on any U.S. beef, but South Korea said it would take the
meat. The crisis could wipe out hundreds of small farms. Pynecki
said he’s moved up his timetable and will soon switch half
his land over to pot farming while selling the other half to a
guy who will build crappy apartments.
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