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Oh yeah, these are the eyes
of a stable dude. |
Philadelphia, PA - After
a full team analysis revealed a lineup that 'got along too
well,' the NBA's Philadelphia 76ers
acquired Sacramento Kings' forward Chris
Webber in a blockbuster trade intended to create
some tension, resentment and aloofness in their lineup.
"Since Iverson's stopped rapping and shooting guns
and saying insane things, we've really kind of slumped,"
said 76er publicist Jolie Reece-Royster. "No one really
drinks or parties too hard anymore, no one's threatened
to choke the coach, we don't even have a Jesus squad. The
guys clearly like each other. And that's a huge red flag."
Reece-Royster said Philly initially went after Latrell
Sprewell, but he wanted bonus clauses built into
his contract for various levels of disharmony including
failing to make the playoffs and scuffles at strip clubs.
The 76ers also expressed interest in Gary Payton,
but Payton demanded a clause that would allow him to become
a free agent within an hour and forty-five minutes of being
signed, and that's when the team got Webber. Said Reece-Royster,
"He is one of the best, world-class, energy-sucking
distractions in the league."
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