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Who knew Tiffany put out a
Badger lamp? |
Madison, WI - Jacob Pheldring,
a 22-year-old Quantum Mechanics and Driftwood Art double-major
at the University of Wisconsin, was caught
perusing the Sportalicious! website during an 'Onion'
public reading at the Che Guevera CyberCafe Monday and was
immediately suspended for the remainder of the semester.
Pheldring was also ignored by the Asian math girls who speak
great English and normally get Pheldring to buy them organic
de-caf lattes, and was in fact locked out of his apartment
for a brief period of time by his roommates, who spray-painted
the phrase 'What's Next, Foxworthy Albums?" on his
white '86 Saab. "The 'Onion' hardly does sports...
my mouse slipped... my dad's a lawyer at one of the biggest
firms in Chicago, a$#holes," said Pheldring, ticking
off three different excuses in a row in hopes of sowing
confusion. Is it 'sowing' confusion, as in, spreading contradicting
ideas like seed over a fairly wide area in order to create
a general sense of confusion, or is it 'sewing' confusion,
as in, attaching confusion like a patch in the pattern of
a larger quilt in order to throw off the pattern? Dammit!
Pheldring's plan worked!
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