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 TIGER - STILL IN COMA - WINS TOURNEY!

 
Tiger Woods was "lucky"
  Tiger was "lucky."

Tiger Woods, still hovering near death in a stage three coma from a recent Sea-doo accident, won the Buick Challenge golf tournament this weekend in San Diego by four strokes. The coma prevented Woods from talking to his caddie or anyone else, opening his eyes for more than a second, and at times, breathing. After having the winner’s trophy placed in his lifeless hands, Woods blinked in Morse Code that he was “lucky” on several holes, that his putting “saved” him, and that the field was “tough.” Woods was taken on a handcart to his personal ambulance and is the odds-on favorite to win next week’s tournament despite doctors' insistence there will be little substantive improvement. “He’s just that good,” said ashen-faced third place finisher Brad Faxon. “I dunno, one of these weeks we’ll get him.” Faxon then immediately collapsed and was put on an i.v. drip by Woods' doctors, suffering from what they referred to as “Consumptive Despair.”

EXCLUSIVES!

FEMALE MEN'S COACH: Joins Frat, Holds Kegger!

DAYTONA WINNER: Dethroned for Old Stickers!

CAUGHT ON FILM: Cocky Yao Ming makes demand

The Wire
     
HEY!

Looking for gambling info? Check out our own TUBSTER'S tips by clicking on "The Line."

(It's up above)

(Near the top)

(Above the word "Coma")

MISTER STATS

RPI RATINGS DECRYPTED

Mister StatsThere's no sport I love more than college basketball - Arcs, curves, ninety degree angles, inverse linear regression - goodness I love it! And this time of year is special to me because sports fans become reliant on us math guys to help you figure out whether or not your beloved Akron Hokies even have a chance to get into the Big Dance. They're the Hokies right? The clearest way to judge your team's chances this time of year is to take a look at the what's known as the "Won/Lost Record." The number on the left, known as "W", is the mathematical sign for Victories and should be significantly larger than the number on the right. How significant? Well, the number on the left needs to be 1.4 times larger than the right number divided by the percentage of teams in its conference that appear in the AP Top 25 standings. This Win-Loss-Conference-AP ratio is simply referred to as WLCAP. So for instance, the Akron Hokies are 10-11 which equates to a WLCAP of 7.6. Definitely not in the tournament! See? Even a first year quantum mechanics major can do this. Goodness this is fun. I'll see you next week.

The BIG Poll

WHO IS THE MOST ATTRACTIVE FEMALE ATHLETE?

Anna Kournikova
Annika Sorenstam
Gabrielle Reece (once played volleyball)
Tiffany Thiessen (runs and jumps on TV show)
Christina Aguilera (some domino experience)
Ring girl, 3rd round, Lewis/Hollyfield bout, '99
Bruce Jenner
That chick who plays Vince McMahon's daughter
Zima, Welsh Corgi, 4th place, Westminster Dog Show


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