 Santa
Barbara, CA - In a move dubbed a “win-win”
by both parties, Michael Jackson this week purchased the entire
Santa Barbara Youth Soccer League from the city for $32 million
dollars. “I love kids,” said Jackson, “I love
kids kicking a ball and struggling in little shorts, unable to
use their arms. I LOVE it!” An asexual, neutered Jackson
spokesman known only as “Ripsi” said Jackson will
upgrade facilities by installing two state-of-the-art soccer fields
with full stadium lighting at his Neverland Ranch, “so kids
can play at night til they poop out and simply HAVE to sleep.”
The young players expressed grave concern, summed up best by a
12-year-old boy who said, “I am scared, daddy, I mean it!”
Parents however, seemed to be fine with the turn of events. “You
ever been up there? It’s fun,” said a parent who asked
to remain anonymous but said he was a psycho-therapist who made
well over a million dollars a year. Santa Barbara city officials
said they would use the $32 million dollars for a second sewage
treatment plant to re-treat previously treated sewage with French
linen water, and also to fund the Winery Development Board.
|
