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Los Angeles, CA - Sportalicious's
own Anthem-Singing Breasts
caught up with Janet Jackson's breast at
the Four Seasons Hotel in posh Beverly
Hills, California, and managed to corner the breast poolside
for a quick exclusive interview...
Anthem-Singing Breasts: We're thrilled
you've agreed to talk to us, if only for a few minutes.
Janet Jackson's Breast: I haven't given
any interviews, but I must admit, there's something about
you two that makes me comfortable. Shoot.
ASB: Was your unveiling truly a surprise or did
CBS know?
JJB: They knew. C'mon, Camera 7 had me in focus
immediately. Why? It was on the shot sheet, that's why.
I actually heard the floor manager tell the truck, "Cue
the nipple!"
ASB: Did Timberlake know?
JJB: No. In fact, Janet didn't really know. I didn't
even tell the left breast.
ASB: I can't imagine not sharing a secret with
my left breast.
JJB: Yeah, well, you guys grew up a lot closer
than us. Healthier environment, better parenting. Plus,
there's so much silicone in there now we hardly recognize
each other.
ASB: Does that make you sad?
JJB: Sure. We don't have many shared interests.
But it could be worse. I could be Tori Spelling's
right breast. Those poor girls are miles apart.
ASB: What were you thinking when you decided to
pop out?
JJB: Well, I felt like Janet's career was sagging
a bit, and I was sagging a bit, so I thought, "why
not say hello to Houston" and pick up the pace. If
it helps Jackson out, great, and if it doesn't, I can strike
out on my own. I've wanted a solo career for some time.
I've been contacted by the
Miami Dolphins this week.
ASB: Your creme brulee looks good.
JJB: Try a bite, please. I'm stuffed.
ASB: (tries bite) They have the best desserts here.
JJB: I have to drop a little weight, I can't afford
to go up to 3-inch nipple jewelry.
ASB: So would you do it again?
JJB: Yes, but I'd pick a better tune. Sometimes,
with a better tune, nobody even cares your sticking out,
'cause they're humming the tune. You just can't top a good
song.
(At this point Steven Tyler of Aerosmith
stopped by and invited all three breasts to his Grammy soundcheck,
and the interview was terminated.)
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