You know, luck is streaky. Life goes down easier if you just accept that fact, my friends. I'm in a non-lucky streak right now. Lots of folks would back off and play conservative. And that's why they're AMATEURS. I'm broke, but I'm ALIVE, suckas! And that's why I know... this streak's gotta come to an end, so bet it HEAVY. Dropped 17 potato chips bettin' the Grammy lines at the Astrud's Portugese Fishin' Boat casino by the county drainage ponds... Wasn't gonna bet that heavy but wow, their White wine squid souffle had me buzzin'. I mean, it's just soaked in white wine, and I like to sop the bread a tad, so I actually had a nice buzz on, and Astrud throws the best odds in town on Hollywood crap... I was SO close... but I lost... 17 chips, ugh... Nine of 'em on Janet. Figured she'd show. She blew it, and in the process cost me a friendship with my uncle Milt who was with me and who fronted the stake, though he didn't know it because I was takin' it off his pai gow stake. Hey, he left it sitting on the bar... Five more on Andy Williams. I coulda SWORN he was dead! And the last three on Christina Aguilera. How does her boobs NOT fly outta that dress?! I get my Aztek back next week. Admittedly, in ten pieces, from the damn Russians, but I'm not bad with my hands for a really overweight guy... That's my good luck charm, the Aztek. Get that back, stop sleepin' on the burm near McCarran Airport where the jets take off and for five minutes it's smelly but warm and cozy, NO - I'll be sleepin' back in the Aztek, which if you don't know is DESIGNED for sleeping... And that's step one in the comeback, or my name ain't... The Tubster NEXT WEEK: Join me with the staff for our Oscar picks! We all know unsanctioned gambling is illegal, and Sportalicious! would never condone it. But if you're playing at the kitchen table, an innocent game with your kids using potato chips…knowledge is power, that's all we're saying.