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Child architect's model of
detox center. |
Urkidding, IN - The first
ever de-tox center specifically for addicts of baseball
trading cards, "STOPPS, INC.", has opened in this
crushingly boring rural hamlet 40 miles southwest of Indianapolis.
"We feel we can successfully and compassionately break
the desire of card addicts to spend the kids' entire college
fund on a Freddie Patek rookie card in mint condition,"
said clinic founder Dr. Vince Stucci. When asked if it's
mostly wives checking their husbands into the clinic, Stucci
replied, "No, mostly old mothers with adult sons still
living at home in the only-half refurbished basement."
Stucci said the treatment consists of mild sedatives, relaxation
techniques, paper deprivation, and just the fact that Indiana
is crushingly boring. An attempted airdrop of Richie Hebner
cards from a Topps helicopter was thwarted by quick-thinking
clinic staff, who flipped patio umbrellas inside out.
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