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Freddie Mitchell To Break Ankle, Get "Owens Screws!"

  Reporters attempt to get audio of Freddie Mitchell choking.
  Reporters attempt to get audio of Freddie Mitchell choking.

Tito Jacksonville, FL - Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid told a stunned and clearly drunk press corps that five weeks prior to next September's opening NFL game, the Eagles coach would personally break Freddie Mitchell's ankle in a gruesome home accident in hopes of having surgeons repair it with the same type of screw system they used on Terrell Owens' ankle. "I got Owens out there five weeks after surgery where doctors were wearin' welder's masks, he's runnin' around catchin' balls like a cyborg on Red Bull," said Reid, "and then I got a perfectly healthy Freddie Mitchell out there catchin' nothin' but bad breath." When asked to comment, the normally talkative Mitchell said only, "Damn, I think I mighta talked too much."

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