Boy oh boy oh boy... How CLOSE was I?! I actually had two potato chips down that Janet Jackson's LEFT breast would pop out... I played a hunch that the Super Bowl would be tied 0-0 at half-time. My friends called me insane (actually, crazy lard-ass, but I know 'em, it's okay)... I'm looking like Nostradamus - and then the saltpeter wears off and 24 points go on the board in the last three minutes of the half. THREE MINUTES. One bad downtown hooker-quickie away from 15 potato chips... How CLOSE was I?! I lay 5 potato chips to win 30 that Adam Vinatieri will miss all his field goals. Sure, he's the best in the league, sure, he's hit clutch field goal in game after game, but --- that's why I'm a PRO and your not!! --- I understand the SLUMP IS COMIN', BABY! And so it did! It came! And then...it went. How does a slump start and end before a game's done? How CLOSE was I?! I took Sam to last two more weeks on "The Apprentice." He makes it one week, then he's got week two in the BAG and he has to go get Ted Bundy eyes and freak out Trump! NINE CHIPS on that little gerbil... Fortunately, Ramhoot Barzeghian at SexyParkas.com owed me a favor (hooked him up with Ice Fishing America) and I'm handling some telemarketing for him while I try to get my Aztek back from the Russians and my security deposit back from my landlord... How CLOSE was I?! So CLOSE I could taste it... Speaking of... the Oreo Humble Pie at the Stick Throttle Mini-Casino near East Vegas's Illegal Small Plane Airport is everything the airport is - rich, decadent, sinful, and... well, illegal. it uses some sort of cacao bean that's a no-no to bring into Estado Unidos, but hell, that's why the airport exists! Or my name ain't... The Tubster PS - I'll be back! PSS - The Vegas Bus System has a special Vagrants Pass, so I can STILL hit my favorite haunts and check the cushions on the slot machine chairs for loose change. PSSS - I'll be back, dammit. God, I'm so hungry. Janet Jackson has nice breasts. We all know unsanctioned gambling is illegal, and Sportalicious! would never condone it. But if you're playing at the kitchen table, an innocent game with your kids using potato chips…knowledge is power, that's all we're saying.