Just another stroll up the 18th fairway.

Baghdad, Iraq - In a shocker Sunday, Iraq's first free election in over half a century saw American golf legend Jack Nicklaus whip challengers Hakim Hassan and heavy favorite something-something-hyphenated Allawi, to win a preliminary vote for the office of Iraqi President. Exit Polls showed the Iraqi public wanted someone they could "trust," someone who wouldn't "buckle under pressure," and someone who could design desert golf courses. "We want him to turn us into the next golfing hotbed, like Dubai," said Hamed Al Kawi, a central Mosul coffeehouse owner who asked to remain anonymous. "Did you see Tiger at Dubai? No guns going off, working toilets, great golf. That is the future of Iraq with Nicklaus!" Indeed, many Iraqis voiced a strong desire to screw Dubai. "Why, because they're small they have no gunfire? Screw that, I say," said Mahmoud Hussein, adding, "Dubai, are you listening? We're coming! We're coming to take your golf business away!"