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Mayor Guidici weeps...again!
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West Cosmetica, CA - Only nine minutes
after the rumor started that the New Jersey Nets would
move to Brooklyn, the Nets announced they would move out of Brooklyn to
Los Angeles, marking the second time in fifty years that a sports franchise
has broken the hearts of gullible Brooklynites. "Look, it was a physical
attraction with Brooklyn," said Nets spokesman Rick Rhetoric, "it's
got a great rack and a nice ass, but when it came to concessions and a
cut of the parking, LA had a whole enticing thing goin' on." Counseling
centers have been set up at neighborhood crack houses in Brooklyn for
anyone who needs it. Check that, fire houses. Not crack houses. We just
had lunch and there's an au jus spill on the press release. It appears
Jewish, goomba and African-American Brooklyn dwellers have been hardest
hit, while Jamaican, Ukrainian, and Korean mobster Brooklynites could
care less. "On one level we feel bad," said Rhetoric, "but
on the other hand, history repeats itself, and if anyone in Brooklyn would
take the time to read history, they would know that." Angie Fioretti
of the Brooklyn Library admitted no one had checked out a history textbook
in over 50 years. "Perhaps if this 'repeats itself' info coulda somehow
been part of 'Saturday Night Fever,' we would've maybe
like, absorbed it better or somethin'," said a shell-shocked Fioretti.
Los Angeles officials are encouraging the franchise to change the team
nickname from 'Nets' to 'Agents Of Change.'
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