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Homeless man or NFL coach? |
Foxboro, MA - Officials from
the Center For Disease Control closed in
quickly Saturday on Foxboro Stadium after
televised highlights from the New England Patriots
17-14 win over the Tennessee Titans clearly
showed Titans' head coach Jeff Fisher's
beard was clogged with dangerous contaminants that could
jeopardize public health nationwide. After horrific halftime
highlights of Fisher's beard were seen on network TV, the
military scrambled three Chinook helicopters with the CDC
'fightin' junebug' logo on them from Andrews Air
Force Base outside of Washington, D.C. The choppers
reached Foxboro just after time expired and were able to
insert armed medical personnel into the locker room area,
where a Marine veterinary sharpshooter was able to fell
Fisher with a sedative dart. Fisher was taken to the Hospital
For Diseases We're Not Telling You About Yet outside Fairfax,
VA. Initial reports indicate Fisher's beard contains elements
of the SARS virus, buggers, and remnants of what appears
to be a TGI Friday's deluxe potato skin
platter.
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