Everything. Gone. Boy oh boy oh boy. Michigan - five potato chips, crushed. Oklahoma - five potato chips, crushed. All the "mo" I had going. I even had my car back from the Russians. Fortunately, Art Beltrano's Casino and Accordion Lounge is letting me guest-lecture on video poker techniques. And sleep in the Coffee Nook, which has been closed for some drywall renovation... Speaking of... the best Dry Tomato Pie I've ever had is at the Accordion Lounge, but it's not on the menu, so whisper it to Dinah or Monk, the accordion players, and they'll cajole the kitchen into cuttin' you a piece. Pick myself up, dust myself off, move forward. 2004 CAN still be a good year! Or at least a decent year. God help me. My Aztek has a boot on it. Freaking cops. Okay - here's my roadmap back to the winner's circle: Two potato chips on Peterson & Olson College to take the Division III curling championships... Two potato chips on Magnolia Blossom State to take the NAIA whittling title... Two potato chips on Sarge Beltran over Timmy "Greenface" Hittite to win the Snowmobile Towing Stuff crown in Bimidji, Minnesota this week... These are LOCKS. Now, if I can just borrow six potato chips... Or my name ain't... The Tubster NEXT WEEK: Breaking down the PGA so it's money in your wallet! (or your 'new' wallet!) We all know unsanctioned gambling is illegal, and Sportalicious! would never condone it. But if you're playing at the kitchen table, an innocent game with your kids using potato chips…knowledge is power, that's all we're saying.